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El Mundo Loco
HONI SOIT QUI MERDE
We bring you a summary of the latest headlines
around a crazy world
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The thinking person's news journal
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investigate Government leaks at White House.
bloody lawn stinks," complains fed up gardener.
Parton collapses on stage during performance.
Bravely carries on supported by four
stagehands, two abreast.
no desire to
No malicious offence
Thousands of illegal immigrants swarm across US-Mexican border
seeking a better life.
Mexican border guards push them
President speaks from hospital
"I think Ahmadine- #$%! -jad has
put a curse on me.
My testicles are infested
with the fleas of a thousand camels".
finally crowned. "About time" says wife.
Police arrest wife Camilla.
Prince Charles tells police "She crowned me with
heavy fryFriday, 25 June 201025/06/2010Friday, 25 June 2010pan
I bought her on our anniversary. Now I've
got three bloody big lumps on my head."
Usher of the Black
Rod injured during fracas in British House of Lords.
The Usher was rushed to hospital
where doctors are desperately trying to extract the Black
Nervous Queen issues dire warning to doctors,
"Careful, you #$%# idiots.
Don't break the rod."
Israeli-Vatican reconciliation talks break
An agreement could not be reached
at the conference due to personal differences between the two chief negotiators,
Rabbi Donegal FitzPatrick and Cardinal Ishmael Rabinowitz.
Rasputin's shriveled penis
fetches record price of $ 64,000,000 at auction.
"We are so excited,"
says auction house spokesman. "We also offered options for Bush's and Obama's
appendages but the bidding didn't even reach the reserve price of
Pauline Hanson has black baby.
Ernie Dingo leaves town.
PM Kevin Rudd ousted before completion of
first term in office.
Ex-PM John Howard last seen being carried off on a
stretcher, strapped down and suffering from an
fit of the giggles.
Vice squad arrests George
Bush on thanksgiving day.
"We raided his house and caught him in
the kitchen with his hand
up a turkey's - er - rear end,"
Says vice squad spokesman
Man about town, Bill
Clinton, caught in pawn shop buying phonography
and sax books for
"I was only trying to further Chelsea's musical
career," explains an embarrassed Mr Clinton.
President Obama withdraws
invitation to Bin Laden to attend White House function.
"I misunderstood his request,"
explains confused President. "I thought he just wanted me to
to 72 Virginians."
Russia adopts English
The English proverb "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"
has now been adopted in Russia
"A bird in the dachau is worth two in Gorky park", meaning "If you want
some class, you must expect
to pay for it".
Latest British census
reveals royal aspirations of English youth.
According to the latest British census, the ambition of over 80% of English boys is to become
Queen of England.
achieves record sales at giant department store.
"The 'joker set of perforated condoms' has exceeded all sales
expectations in the toy department," enthuses sales manager.
Vladimir Putin takes media on tour of his new house on Russia's east coast.
From an upstairs window Mr. Putin waves across the
Bering strait. "Look! Now I can see Sarah Palin's house
from Russia," he points out to the media.
Amazing new rubbery adhesive
discovered by NASA scientist.
It can be stretched, squeezed,
rolled, is indestructible and adheres to anything.
"I don't know how I found it," explains humble discoverer. "I was
just wiping my nose and suddenly ....
there it was on the tips of my fingers."
Russian astronauts make first landing on
"It looks like someone's been here before us", the expedition
leader reported back to base.
"The surface is covered with
pizza cartons, beefburger
wrappings, Coke bottles, urine stains and a condom."
Ageing rock star
Mick Jagger's young wife seeks "Fountain of Youth" elixir
Jagger's young wife complains she can feel old
age creeping on at nights.
Mel Gibson cancels plans for new
"I searched all over Hollywood but
couldn't find three wise men or a virgin," he explains to the media.